Sanctuary
by Navsegda
Summary: Hinata Hyuuga learns to forget her facade, every idea of a ninja is tested and shattered.  SasuHina - yes, it's unfortunate love.
1. Forbidden Feelings

Chapter warnings: Swearing, very slight adult themes. Don't like, don't read.

* * *

Hinata Hyuuga was at ends with herself. She was feeling a little down, a little melancholic -

_like always_

- save the fact that today had went, well . . . there's no other way to describe it but horrific. Everything little depressing thing added up, one atop the other, and the metaphorical 'icing on the cake' was that she was told that she must see Tsunade-sama first thing tomorrow.

_Aside from that_, she thought unhappily, _there's still those . . . family problems._

Unfortunately, her father was trying to push the duties of clan head upon her -

_She is fifteen for God's sake!  
_

- and everyone can tell it should be Neji, the fucking _progidy_, who's giving her nothing but shit just because he was born into the branch family.

_How is that my fault? How can you blame me when I wasn't even born yet?_

Yeah, it was a pretty bad day. At least she didn't have it as bad as others she knew. At least her father knew she was pretty much useless - Fugaku Uchiha was nothing short of brutal on his boys. _It seems to affect Sasuke the most_, she thought. _He always looks so thoughtful and faraway in class, but as soon as a question is asked, as soon as there is a technique to be explained, he is the first with his hand up - and he _always_ gets the answer right._

_(like she never does)_

Honestly, Sasuke Uchiha tended to be the empowerment of everything she wasn't, everything she wanted to be - a genius in everyway, who could keep their emotions under control, like they actually didn't matter.

And that brings her back to a string of thoughts and ideas; floating like a string of gossammer in the breeze of her mind.

Does he even have feelings?

Maybe he didn't.

But it's useless to wonder, when a short life as everyone as them has, is being wasted on things that didn't really matter - there were adventures and experiences to be lived, small minds to be expanded, and pushed far from their horizons that they are so dutifully bound to - and mainly, the knowledge, the wealth that every one of them must live by - _that there may never be another chance like this._

When you live a life like they do, where there is always assassinations, traps, backhandedness - things you can't avoid, because you of all people even do them yourself. They had to live with every selfish desire, go out on every frail little limb, every small pleasureable whim was acted upon with no such thing as consequence. They couldn't think 'I'll have another chance' - because they probably _wouldn't_.

Life was short, and they just had to embrace it; get over it. Everything was hurried, every little touch and caress, with its little spark of electricity, was treasured in the moment, and forgotten for the rest. There wasn't time to appreciate the beauty of small things . . . hell . . . not anything was ever appreciated! Just used, and when it was done with, thrown away, and perhaps when the little ninja were in an unusually nostaglic mood, they would take the time to remember. Not appreciate, but it was the closest they'd probably ever get to that.

Ninja were selfish beings, but you had to be when you lived a short life.

Hinata thought that Konoha ninja seemed to be the most selfless - Naruto was a fine example of this - he could never, _ever _give up on anyone (no matter how rotted or fucked up their soul was) or anyone's goals, or even his. Perhaps there wasn't a real chance that he would be Hokage some day, but at least Hinata liked to think there was for him, that at least someone who _deserved_ it could be happy. She could blind her common sense and logic, blot them out with dreams that things could be idyllic, that everyone could feel euphoric.

_Like a stupid fairytale. . ._

Yet maybe the little ninja were like flowers; each would eventually bloom - some more brilliant and colourful than others, of course - but all wilting in the end. Maybe there was something beautiful within them each, something rare and undiscovered throughout the course of their lives - a metaphorical diamond in the rough.

_Yeah, 'cause none of this fucking matters anyway, _she thought bitterly (as, unfortunately, most of her thoughts were).

So she stood up,  
streched her arms and worked out the kinks in her back,  
and sighed.

_Luckily_, she thought, _I'm not crying_.

* * *

_'Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal.'_

Well then lives are nothing like change, are they? A life can't change the world. No-one is eternal, perpetual, immortal. Everyone ending up dying at some point, even though there might still have been people here that loved them, who thought they couldn't go on without them.

But everyone has to go on until there's nothing left except raw pain pushing you on.

Hinata thought that was where the strength of a ninja came from - their pain.

The end would be a sweet demise for them, a mercy killing in its own sense.

And perhaps, if you played your cards right, the end was further away then you'd ever think.

But mostly, the smarter ninja get their thoughts right.

She hoped to think she was one of them.

* * *

The dust swirled around her feet, every insignificant particle melding together, making something even more insignificant-

_oh, the irony of it all_

-and looked up to make sure she didn't walk into anything, or worse, anybody.

Looked around to see the people milling around her, and realized how -

_bitter, bitter irony_

-insignificant she was compared to all those others, stronger than her, so strong, and she was still weak. Oh God, how she trained until her hands bled and mind twisted, yet she was still so weak, useless . . . _insignificant._

She walked into Ichiraku, her stomach growling because she was so hungry, and that thought made her remember a feeling, fear in the pit of her empty stomach.

_'Stealing from the hungry mouths you're meant to feed . . .' he rasped, bloody and waiting for the final blow. Hinata didn't want to hear more, so she did something she had never before done, something she'd always shied away from - something she hoped she didn't want to do._

_She killed him - he was dead, and it was of her own doing. The feelings running through her veins, those feelings ninja like her, like anyone shouldn't have - strong, confindent, fearsome . . . she was still a long way off, but she had _killed_ someone, proved her worth as a ninja, a fighter, a force to be reckoned with._

_But his final words lingered with her. And she didn't even know who he was, but still, she agreed. Ninja are selfish, they take all for themselves. They steal from the mouths they are meant to feed.

* * *

_

Realizing too late that Ichiraku's number one customer was probably there, she pushed though the cotton flags and took her place upon a wooden stool. Looking around, she found she was right, and saw Naruto eating like raamen was going out of style.

She should have been happy to see Naruto, but she wasn't. She always felt a little guilty seeing him, remember the things she kept telling herself _(why don't you just fucking lie to yourself then?). _She was kidding herself (and she knew she was) that she was in love with Naruto (who's everything what ninja should be, everything they aren't), or something like love . . . a crush maybe? She tried to trick herself into believing it wasn't Sasuke; she didn't want it to be Sasuke!

So she inwardly sighed and grimaced, and let her heart and her hopes fall just a little, looked up, and greeted Naruto, like anyone with manners or any social etiquette should or would.

"Hi Naruto-kun. How's it going?" she said, falsely bright and cheery . . . but still, she could feel well-disguised the tiredness in her voice, the want that was almost a need to just _drop dead._

"Hey Hinata-chan! I'm great these days, you?" he replied. Obviously, he didn't have to fake the smile upon his face, and he seemed oblivious to hers. But knowing someone who deserved to smile, like him, well . . . it made her smile a little herself.

_Guess I'm not such a sour, cynical bitch after all,_ she thought.

"I'm good thanks, Naruto-kun." she said, with more bravado then she felt, because just then, she had looked over and saw-

_Heart, please, _please, _just stay in my chest instead of flying out my throat._

-fucking Sasuke Uchiha; looking thoughtful, faraway and . . . sexy. _Da-yum._

Oh fuck_fuck_fuck, she could feel the blush rushing to her cheeks, the pretense starting to slip, her whole _facade _crumbling around her, and then she mentally punched herself, and sat down like nothing had happened.

"Hi Hinata . . . how are you?" said Sasuke, in an overly formal manner.

_say something before you look like a retard!_

"I'm fine thanks, how are you?" she managed to say. _Honestly_, she thought, _this shouldn't be such a big deal. He's just a guy. . . Get _the fuck _over him already!_

"Good thanks." he stated.

And with that, he turned back to politely slurping his raamen.

Hinata ordered some raamen as well - why else would she have come to Ichiraku? - and decided to grow a backbone and actually _start_ a conversation for once.

"So . . . have you guys learnt the new technique for Iruka-sensei yet?"

"Yeah, it was sooooooo easy. I can do it in my sleep!" boasted Naruto, a little drop of raamen soup rolling past his lip and down his chin, and finally falling and staining a honey-coloured teardrop on his loudly-coloured jumpsuit. There was a 'yes' from his less noisy, self-confident friend, and then the said friend casually returned the question.

"What about you, Hinata?"

"Yes, I learnt it as well." she said, almost stuttering; her nervousness was so close to bettering her.

Sasuke sighed quietly, like a rustle of leaves upon the wind, and placed his chopsticks in a perfectly symmetrical manner on his bowl. He thanked the owner, and then turned to Hinata.

"Yes?" she asked, hesitantly, not sure whether she was going to receive a useless statement or a call for an answer.

"Did Tsunade-sama ask you to see her tomorrow morning as well? I've already ask Naruto and he said he didn't get that message."

"Yes. . . I did." she replied hesitantly.

"Well, see you in the morning then. Good-bye." he nodded his head towards her, and then Naruto, and walked off into the gleam of the setting sun reflecting from the many windows, which, honestly, sounds more dramatic than it should.

Hinata glanced at him, said good-bye to Naruto and left as soon as she could without being rude.

* * *

When she was safe in the comforts of her special place; her _sanctuary _even-

_a small oasis in a desert; a little garden someone she didn't know had spent hours painstakingly cultivating and preening, a place like no other_

-she exhaled, and felt the hot tears cascade down her porcelain face.

_I was so close, _she thought, the emotion in her forcing her to tremble and shake, _so close - I almost let go of my whole situation, everything I know, everything of who I am. I can't believe it. It's not safe for me to be around him anymore, I really can't _believe it, _so close to friggin' losing it all. I can never let my composure slip like that again. Never again._

She wiped her face, and felt every sorry thought tumble through her mind, trying desperately to get a grip on herself, a grip on reality.

She really couldn't be the girl in the mirror anymore.

_Who am I? _she thought, as she finally drifted off to sleep a couple hours later, wondering about Tsunade-sama, and Sasuke, and Neji, and finally, herself. She was always the last of her priorities.

She was the opposite of everything she thought was the stereotype of herself, everything she desperately believed in. Of course, she didn't know it yet.

She hadn't the slightest.

* * *

A/N: This story, if finished, should be thirteen chapters long. This is probably riddled with spelling mistakes since I'm using NotePad (which doesn't have spellcheck!) because I lost my version of Word and my internet is too slow to download OpenOffice. So . . . it's SasuHina luurrrve people. I'll try update everyday - it's two days into the holidays and my social life is down the tube.

Review if you want, tell me how terrible I am.

:D

Some Sort of Deity (who's really, _really _tired).


	2. Backstabber

Chapter two, dedicated to LadySaturnGirl. :)

Warnings: Profanity, Alternate storyline.

* * *

Hinata looked around the room and saw Hanabi, Itachi and Sasuke, all looking unfazed, like she did. She was glad her nervousness wasn't showing through.

_Now I know why we're here..._

"So I guess you've all gathered why you're here?" said Tsunade, slightly tipsy and slurring her words a little. Hinata quickly used her bloodline limit and saw, not one, but three empty bottles of sake under Tsunade's desk.

The four nodded, and murmured "dojutsu". Hinata was thinking that this wasn't going to go down well.

Tsunade turned around to look at a clipboard on her desk, and then turned around again to look at them, almost falling over with the momentum of her little pirouette.

Hinata snickered a little to herself - Tsunade was _really _smashed, and when that happened, things always got a little . . . entertaining.

"Boys," she called out, "come here and explain your discoveries to them."

Shisui Uchiha and Neji Hyuuga walked out of the office adjoining Tsunade's, and smiled at the four.

"Neji, you start." said Shisui, looking warily at Tsunade as he sensed the stench of alcohol on her breath.

"If you all don't know why you're here, it's because of you bloodline limit - the Sharingan or the Byakugan. Shisui and I are were on a mission together last month, and we discovered certain things about our eyes which could be very useful to Konoha. Shisui, shall we demonstrate the first technique?"

Shisui walked over and the pair activated their bloodline limits, and then Neji spoke.

"Through training, it is possible to use the Sharigan's techniques with the Byakugan, and vice versa. So, Hinata, could you please step here, and write a word on this piece of paper please, making sure Shisui can't see what you're writing?'

_What? Me? No fucking way._

Hinata walked to the desk, and grabbed the piece of paper and the pen Neji offered to her. She put the paper on the desk, and cupped her hand against the paper so Shisui couldn't see, and wrote 'rectangle' on the sheet. She passed it to Neji, who was glaring daggers at her, and he folded it in half and then put it under Tsunade's clipboard.

Hinata walked back into her place in line, desperately wish she could just fade out of existence. She didn't want to be here at all.

Shisui made two handseals, looked at the clipboard, and then uttered "rectangle." Tsunade looked at her, and asked if that was right, and Hinata nodded.

_How did he know? How is this possible?_

"Great," said Neji, "with these techniques, Konoha's special techniques can be spread between the Uchiha and Hyuuga clans. This way, the clans will be united, and there will be several teams formed with special combined bloodline techniques. It will be a new age of power for Konoha!"

_What? No! This isn't right. Things have to stay the way they are, we can't become so powerful, _though Hinata, _what if we start a war? No, this is horrible. Utterly horrible._

"I want you all to meet at the gates at sunrise tomorrow morning. You will all be training together in a remote location, as some of the techniques," Tsunade paused, "are quite destructive. There is food and beds provided, you will only need to take clothing and other personal items. You will be gone for three weeks. Dismissed."

* * *

Hinata ran all the way to the Sanctuary, horror ripping through her.

_This was exactly what could start another war_, she thought, panicking. _What is going through Tsunade's head? This is catastrophic! No, no, no. This has to be a bad dream. It just _has_ to be._

She sat down on a rock, warm from the sunshine, in the middle of her garden. The cherry-blossom tree above her was about to bloom, it was that time of year, and the water around her rock was still.

_'Still water runs deep' - how true_, she thought, _you never know what's on someone's mind, you never know how badly they could backstab you, or betray you._

She got up, crouching at first to ease the strain on her knees - she was still young and fit, but training made her joints ache - and she slowly rose, steadying herself so she wouldn't fall into the water.

* * *

When she was in the confines of her room, she remembered that she need to pack for dojutsu training, for a whole fucking three weeks. She yanked open her drawer, and pulled out two black shirts, and then two black pairs of three-quarter pants and put the neat piles of clothing on her bed, which, of course, was made (because Hinata does what she's told, she's a _good _girl. . .).

She grabbed two mesh singlets to go underneath her training outfits, and dropped them on her bed as well, and then shut the drawer and pulled out another drawer. She grabbed the appropriate undergarments, and then shut the drawer and opened the cupboard where she hung her dresses and kimono. Two printed cotton dresses were slid of their coathangers, and laid on the bed too.

Finally, Hinata gathered her toiletries, and packed all the items into a canvas backpack.

She was supposedly ready to go, but mentally, she never would be.

She would never go and train there if she had a choice - she had to stick with her facade until the very end, the 'mercy killing' that she counts on.

The backpack was put on the wooden floor near her door, next to her sandals, and she sighed as she lay upon her bed and stared at the ceiling. She was thinking so much it was making her feel more depressed and anxious every second.

* * *

After she'd had a little accidental nap, and being woken by her mother calling her to dinner, she trudged out to the kitchen, seeing Hanabi and her father seated at the table, fervently discussing something. Her mother was pouring the contents of a rather large saucepan into four bowls. The steam rose up from them in little spirals, little whirls - her description made her remember Naruto, and she tried to suppress her anger with herself at the whole Naruto/Sasuke dilemma.

_Why do I have to feel like this?_

_"_Hinata, can you get you and Hanabi's bowls for me? My hands are full." her mother said, as she walked over to the table and put a bowl in front of Hiashi, who looked at and thanked her, and then turned back to talking with Hanabi. Her mother sat down and listened to Hiashi and Hanabi. Hinata brought the bowls over and placed one in front of Hanabi, and then took her places and asked if they were going to start eating.

After a couple of minutes of silence, except for the sounds of soup being consumed, Hiashi broke the monotony when he looked at Hinata.

"Hanabi and I have been talking, and I think it would be best if Hanabi was made head of clan when I die instead of you. Do you understand why?" he asked, like it was nothing more important than the weather.

Hinata didn't know if she was relieved or sad about this, but she was as angry as a bull seeing red. _How can they just go ahead and exclude about things as important as this? _she thought miserably.

"Yes father, I understand why." said Hinata, cutting her losses and pretending it wasn't a big deal.

_Why? Because Hanabi is always better than me, always gets to train with Father, never has to put up with Neji, never has to be afraid of being confident, afraid of being herself._

Hinata felt the most sorry for her mother, the one who was always passed over, even though she had a huge right to know about this. Hinata was her daughter too, after all. She had to cook and clean up after everyone, and never got a "thanks" and was almost never told "I love you". Hinata had to start showing her mother how much she loved her, how much she appreciated her. She wasted all of that love on her father-

_who stabs her in the back_

-who never seemed to really appreciate it. If Hinata would take the time to make her mother a cup of tea, and tell her to sit down and relax, it'd would make her mum feel so happy. Her mother never loved anyone more than Hinata and Hanabi, they were her 'darlings', and she would go to the ends of the earth for them. Hinata would do the same for her mother . . . she just needed to show it more.

_And I will from now on_, she thought.

* * *

Later that night, when Hinata couldn't sleep, and was staring at the ceiling again and fretting about tomorrow and the dojutsu training and, well . . . she was worried about everything. She really wanted to be herself, she was so sick of being push-over Hinata, spineless Hinata. She wanted to be brave, confident, reserved, full of logic . . . she wanted to be like Sasuke.

Sleep didn't come easy, but it did somehow, and Hinata closed her tired eyes, not knowing what tomorrow would bring, just like everyone else.

* * *

A/N: You may be wondering why I brought Shisui back to life. Reason: he was never dead. The Uchiha Clan Massacre never happened in this story.

Yeah, so if there's any mistakes, please review and tell me, as constructive criticism is just awesome (and helps you improve, may I add). :D


	3. Realisation

Hinata was sure someone was brutally pounding a sledgehammer against her head, cracking her skull with every strike. She couldn't work it out, but she had the worst headache in the world, and it was three in the morning.

It was cold, and the sun should be rising in about two hours and a half.

_What is with this headache?, _she thought, as she climbed out of bed and stumbled. She banged her knees on the floor, and they ached too. _Owwww. . ._

Shakily, she stood up, and almost vomited as a fresh wave of pain washed through her brain like caustic, abrasive bleach from that small bit of motion. She needed to wash or face or something soon, before she collapsed. There was not a coherent thought in her head (which was normally churning with them, but right now, it was her stomach that was churning).

Audible relief escaped from her lips as she splashed some cool water against her pale, burning skin.

Suddenly, everything was clearer than it had been in a while.

_What the hell, _she thought, as her stomach dropped from the pain of sudden, clear memories from dinner last night.

_I can't even take my own reality seriously. What is wrong with my sadistic son-of-a-bitch father? And Hanabi? That little back-stabbing monster. _

Hinata thoughts continued along that direction for a few moments, and she started sobbing. She was betrayed by her own family, like something out of a crappy play.

But as she got over the initial blow, the hurt of her tragic, fucked up family, she started to wonder as to why she hadn't reacted like this last night, why she didn't do a total freak-out right there and then at the dinner table.

_It almost felt like all of yesterday, I'd been behind some sort of veil, some sort of fog . . ._

Hinata fully looked back on yesterday, every event from waking up to going to sleep.

She rememered everything, but it felt like she was seeing them through some kind of haze.

After carefully sifting through each cloudy memory, she came to a conclusion, along with several things she had to do.

_I must have been drugged_, she reasoned, _or possibly put under a genjutsu._

It was clever reasoning, she was right after all.

But who did it?

* * *

Ok, this chapter is really short. I will update soon with a lengthier chapter/s, I promise! I'm just so busy! Sorry!


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